Doubts of a King
by Sock my Rock
Summary: The past always caught up to him without fail. He couldn't help the fact that doubts would always accompany the past. Yet even with the doubts that plagued him so, she was always there ready to support him. JoshuaXNatasha FE 8 fic.


Twilight had descended upon the kingdom of Jehanna, and a light breeze swept through the sandy dunes. Joshua stood upon a balcony in his palace, looking out onto the horizon and watching the disappearing sun. Soon enough, his kingdom would go from a scorching wasteland to a frigid one. His kingdom was ever changing, just like the people that lived in it. The mercenary guilds that served, as the kingdom's greatest resource never stayed the same. A new one would always appear, and others would disappear without a trace.

Every now and then, just like today, thoughts of his old life filled his head, and questions of what could have been soon followed. It was five years ago that he was nothing but a simple traveling mercenary that was running away from his princely duties. Then again, his mother had everything running smoothly when he had left; after all, she was strong, resourceful, and kept everything in the desolate wasteland he now called his kingdom under control.

He wondered what his mother would think of him at this very moment in time. Would she be proud of her son for stepping up and taking the mantle of king? Or would she be disappointed with how he was running things?

Given the chance, there was a part of him that wished to rid himself of the mantle of King. Days like this, he wished he could go back to the carefree days of a mercenary, when he just had to worry about where his next job was coming from. It was a simple existence, but it was his existence for the longest time. Yet it was an existence he felt a strange disconnect from now.

Any and all meaningful interaction with his mother had disappeared after she ascended the throne. Her time became focused on the mercenary guilds and the overall status of the kingdom. It was easy for him to justify his departure; after all, of what real service was a prince in their unforgiving kingdom? His time was much better spent away from the lonely palace. At the time, he felt no regret or remorse, and why should he? There was nothing in Jehanna for him at the time.

He left under the guise of wanting to learn to become a better heir and later king for his people, and it was true for the most part. However, a part of him wished for something else, something that had been missing from his home for the longest time now.

He cherished his newfound freedom… at least, that was true for a time. All the experiences that he acquired during his time as a traveling mercenary were things he'd never give up, but he felt so unfulfilled with it all. He'd never stayed long enough in a place to make any true connections with anyone. He'd left home in search for something that it was missing, and he honestly thought he'd find it out and away from home.

Fate would be the only way he would describe what happened on that day at Serafew. Before he could truly realized what was happening, he became a part of something. Allies became comrades and comrades soon became friends. After so long, he found what he was searching for… it was a place he belonged to, a place where he was needed, and a place where he was irreplaceable. Regardless of the hardships and sorrows he and his friends faced, there wasn't a time where he regretted joining them.

The only time in his life when he felt true sorrow and remorse was when he witnessed the death of his mother at the hands of an ex-comrade. He could remember the final conversation he had with her as the life slowly drained from her being. He felt guilty for leaving her. What kind of pain had she endured during his time away from home?

Even after killing the ex-comrade who had murdered his mother in cold blood, he still didn't feel any better. He felt partially responsible for her death, and no matter what he said to himself, he couldn't shake that guilt. Darkness had descended upon him, but the light that pierced through the shadow came in the form of his friends. Once they learned of his heritage and the loss that he was suffering, they made sure that he would pull through it. In time the comfort, love, and support they all showed him healed the guilt that plagued his heart.

Maybe that's why a part of him wished to leave the mantle of King. Maybe it was his urge to relive those cherished memories that spurred his desire leave.

Regardless… he wouldn't allow these thoughts to ruin him. Joshua knew what his duty was and he wouldn't allow these idle thoughts and desires to take him away from his people, his home. In five years following his ascension to the throne of Jehanna, he had found a new place where he belonged and was needed.

Without even realizing it, the sun had fully hidden behind the horizon, and his kingdom was covered by nightfall.

"If you stay out too long after nightfall you'll catch cold, Joshua," a soft and serene voice whispered ever so gently, as if it was afraid of shattering the calm silence.

Joshua lightly chuckled to himself, turning around to face the owner of the voice, "Hello beautiful. What brings you out here on this lovely night?"

"Nothing much. I was just looking for my husband, who seems to have had his head in the clouds for a while now. I don't suppose you've seen him around?"

"Can't say that I have, but how about this, beautiful: I flip a coin, and you call heads or tails. If you guess it right, then I tell you what I do know about that husband of yours."

"Even after five years, you still can't give up your little gambling addiction, can you?"

Joshua smiled but didn't say anything. He flipped the coin high in the sky and asked, "So beautiful, what's it going to be?"

"I call tails."

The coin fell to the floor and spun around a bit before landing on tails. "I guess I forgot to use my trick coin then, " Joshua sighed before getting punched in the arm. "Ow, what was that for Natasha?"

She sighed, "Do you really have to ask?"

Joshua nervously laughed, "No, I guess not."

"Why are you out here? I thought you had to talk to Gerik today." Natasha questioned her husband, making herself comfortable on his shoulder.

"Well Gerik had other things to attend to today, so I just came up here and got lost in thought. I didn't even realize that it had become so late."

"What where you thinking about? That is, if you don't mind me asking."

"It's nothing very important," Joshua trailed off and looked back at his kingdom for a little bit. "The past just has a way of catching up with me at times."

"The past… is something bittersweet for you, isn't it?"

"You could say that. Sometimes my mind wanders, and I can't help but think that I would love to relive things that I hold near and dear in my heart. At times, I even go as far as to wonder what my life would be like if I never would have taken the mantle of King."

Another light breeze swept throughout the land, and Natasha pushed backed some of her hair behind her ears. "I must admit that at times I become just as contemplative as yourself."

Joshua said nothing in response and just looked at her, waiting patiently for her to elaborate.

"Thoughts spiral in my mind occasionally, and I can't help but wonder what would have become of my life if you never won that bet all those years ago? Would I still be in Grado helping where I could, or would I have married someone else? I wonder what exactly my life would be like away from here."

He stayed silent for the longest time.

Natasha moved herself away from Joshua's shoulder and turned to face him. "Is something the matter?"

"I… want to ask you something Natasha."

"What is it?"

Joshua took a deep breath and exhaled it in a controlled manner. He then turned and faced his wife. "It's about the last true bet we made, the one that brought us together five years ago. I want to know… have I made you happy, Natasha?"

His words were simple yet they rang deep, and for what seemed like an eternity to him Natasha stayed quite. The look on her face was that of surprise and nothing else. "Joshua, why exactly are you asking me this?"

"Please just answer my question."

"Oh Joshua…" she all but whispered.

He stood there in the silence, waiting for her response, but he didn't have the heart to look her in the eye, so instead his gaze was towards floor. He wanted…no, he needed to know the answer to his question. Natasha had given up so much in order to come with him to Jehanna. What if those doubts that she first displayed when he proposed to her were still lingering and were keeping her from truly being happy?

He had tried his damnedest to do all he could to make her happy, just like he said when he proposed to her. He couldn't afford to lose this bet no matter what, but what if his best just wasn't good enough?

Joshua froze slightly, but relaxed soon enough when he felt her soft hand caress his cheek. Her touch was soft, warm, and most of all, comforting. With her hand, she coaxed him into looking up at her. Natasha was smiling at him. Her smile was that of an angel, and it told him all he needed know. It was a smile of that showed concern for him, but it reassured him to not worry about anything.

Before he could say anything Natasha pressed her lips against his, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her kiss was delicate, sweet, but full of her love. Joshua shivered as his arms moved and encircled her frame. He melted into the kiss, and all of his doubts disappeared as if they were never there in the first place. She always had this effect on him.

No matter the issue he faced, Natasha was always there, ready to help him out however she could. The dedication she showed to him and her new nation was awe inspiring in his eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that he would continue to fall in love with the angel he married.

Before things could escalate, Natasha pulled away and looked him in the eyes. "I'm going to tell you what you told me on the day you proposed. Look into my eyes, and decide for yourself."

Its been said that the eyes are a window into the soul, and Natasha was bearing hers out for him to see in all of its splendid glory. He saw no deceit in her eyes; instead he saw what he always saw: love.

He couldn't help but smile as he was overcome with a sense of relief and bliss. "I'm a fool…" was all he could say.

She smiled at his words. "No arguments here," she responded and made her way onto his chest. "We all doubt ourselves from time to time, Joshua. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but you can't let those doubts dictate your actions."

"You're right of course, but I am comforted by the fact I have you to set me straight when I go astray from the path." He stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean after all, that's what a spouse does. We push each other in order to do our very best and continue grow as people. Not only that, we have each other's back and help the other up when one of us has fallen."

Natasha pulled far enough away in order to look at Joshua's smiling face. "Sometimes I wonder where those profound statements come from, but then I remember there is so much more to you than meets the eye."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He smirked and stole a kiss from his beloved's lips.

A serene silence fell over the pair, and they contently stayed in each other's embrace. Soon enough, all sense of time had left them.

"Hey Natasha."

"Yes Joshua?"

"Thanks for helping me out. I honestly don't know what'd I'd do without you."

She said nothing in response but just kissed him once more. "Come on, it's getting late, so we should go inside and sleep. After all, tomorrow we set out for Frelia." She pulled away from him and took his hand, leading him into their palace.

"Oh? Why is that?"

"It seems like Innes and L'Arachel are finally going to get married, and the date is a week from tomorrow. The invitation just arrived today."

"It's about time they tie the knot. I wonder if either of them know it's been five years since the war ended." He stopped and sighed.

"It's not our place to judge Joshua. " Natasha chided him.

"Sorry beautiful," he gave her a toothy grin. "Hey, how about I meet you inside in a little bit? There's something I want to do real quick."

Natasha's sapphire eyes meet his crimson ones. "Okay, just don't be too long." Her hand reluctantly let go of his, and with one last look, she made her way in the palace.

Joshua watched her until she was completely gone. He turned around and looked upon his kingdom once more. The light of the moon and stars became his only companions, and he sighed.

"Mom, even though there are times I feel like I don't deserve the throne, and I just want to run away from it all, I promise that won't happen. My place is here now. Jehanna's been good to me, just as I've been good to it, and I will protect this land and the people both you and dad died for." Joshua grinned and looked up at the night sky.

"On the days when it feels like the burden of it all will crush me, I have my wife to help me bear it all. Even in the bleakest of times, she is always there, ready to help me out. I wish you could have met Natasha: I'm sure you'd love her…"

Joshua looked back at the dunes of his kingdom as a breeze swept the sand. "I won't allow this guilt and these doubts to hold me back any longer. I will be the king and husband that will make you proud, and that's a promise."

The desert howled almost as if it was acknowledging his promise.

Joshua took one final glance at the night sky and took a deep breath. As he exhaled it all, his gaze rested on the dunes once more. His grin had tuned into a brilliant smile, and he turned around making his way slowly back into the palace.

"Well then… goodnight and farewell, mother."

* * *

 **Authors Notes:** First off I'm dedicating this story to my good friend Shygirl189! Happy birthday!

I honestly can't say where this story idea came from. It randomly came to me last week and wrote it up on a whim. Lo and Behold I managed to pull a full story out of it. Honestly I have to say I'm proud of this piece. Maybe I wanted to write this because of lack of stories with Joshua and Natasha, and this site needs lots more of those. In Sacred Stones, Joshua and Natasha along with Innes and L'Arachel are my OTPs in that game, and I'm sad there aren't more stories with these characters.

I'd like to give a big shout out to my Beta Reader EarendilElwing! I couldn't of done it without you! Finally I'd love to hear any feedback you guys may have for me. It's always great hearing any kind of comments you guys may have!

PS. If you are a reader of my Shokugeki no Soma story, then don't worry too much. I am working on it and the next chapter is almost done. I just needed to get this story out of my system.


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